All marriages have their ups and downs, that’s why we take vows to remain true to each other “in good times and bad” and “for better or worse.” Fortunately, most spouses get through the periodic rough points and restore their closeness, connection, and love during the good days. However, not all marriages are recoverable when a relationship dissolves and neither party is happy. There are times when an ending actually becomes the best way to move forward. So, how do you make the final decision to end a marriage? How do you know when it’s time to divorce? According to psychologists, there are some specific signs that signal a marriage is over and divorce is inevitable. If you and your spouse are divorcing, be sure to hire a San Francisco divorce attorney to help you recover what you deserve.
1. Emotional Disconnection
Arguing isn’t fun and it can be destructive to a marriage, but heated arguments signal strong emotions between a couple. If one or both spouses no longer have the energy or desire to fight for the relationship but instead feel completely disconnected from the other, it’s a strong sign that the marriage has devolved beyond repair.
Emotional disconnection may begin in subtle ways. For instance, where once you wanted to share every tidbit of news about your day with your spouse, you no longer have the urge to confide in them or share your thoughts. If you no longer look to your spouse for support or value their opinion—or even care to hear their opinion—it’s a strong sign that you’ve emotionally disconnected from each other.
Once the disconnection process is complete, it’s difficult or impossible to get it back. Even if you’re lucky enough to remain civil, the underlying connection that bound you together as a team is gone.
2. You Have No Sexual Interest in Your Partner
Intimacy is an essential part of a healthy marriage. Feeling and expressing sexual desire for your spouse as well as a desire to cuddle, sit close together, hold hands in public, and hug each other when feeling happy or sad, are all signs that you have an intimate connection with your spouse. If you’re lacking that connection, it’s likely that you’ve noticed it and you miss the feelings you once had. Your partner is sure to have noticed as well and may feel the same lack. When intimacy and sexual desire disappear from a marriage, the relationship no longer feels complete. It’s human nature to seek that connection which often leads to spouses looking elsewhere. It’s better to officially end the marriage before seeking a connection outside the marriage.
3. You or Your Spouse Have Feelings for Someone Else
Even in good marriages, it’s not uncommon for spouses to develop crushes on other people, but these are rarely serious, don’t last, don’t become physical, and typically don’t compare with the feelings they have for their spouse. If you find yourself developing deep feelings for someone outside of your marriage at the same time that you’ve lost the intimate connection and companionship with your spouse, it’s time to consider that the marriage may be over. Likewise, if your spouse has developed a relationship with someone else, it’s probably time for a divorce. Even if an extra-marital relationship hasn’t become physical, it’s a symptom of a deep problem with the marriage.
4. Your Spouse Has No Interest in Improving the Marriage
If you’ve been reading self-help books, researching marriage counseling, googling marital retreats, and second honeymoons, but your spouse refuses to engage in any of your attempts at reconnection, it could signal that they feel the marriage has ended and they just haven’t told you yet. They may have resolved to stay together only for the children, but in the long run this is often harder on children than a divorce.
5. You are In a Domestic Abuse Situation
Violence has no place in a marriage or family. If you’ve been the victim of physical violence, emotional abuse, constant verbal berating, or your spouse is abusive to your children, it’s time for a divorce. In fact, it’s probably past time. You shouldn’t ever have to live in fear or feel disrespected in your own home and you certainly shouldn’t ever have to worry that your spouse might hurt your children.
If you’re in a domestic abuse situation, speak to a San Francisco family law attorney about securing a temporary restraining order while you file for divorce.
